The DAILY Mantra

"Imagination is like a lofty building reared to meet the sky - fancy is a balloon that soars at the wind's will."
- Frank Gelett Burgess

Lorenzo von Matterhorn above
'die Alpen'

The B.E.C Sits Down with L.V.M.

On Tuesday, The Balloon Explorers Club had the distinct pleasure and fortune to interview the legendary and mysterious Lorenzo Von Matterhorn:

BEC: Thank you Mr. Matterhorn for agreeing to this one on one interview with us. We know your schedule can be quite demanding.

Matterhorn: I always have time for my favorite balloon explorers club.

BEC: Mr. Matterhorn, when you were a child...did you plan on being the greatest balloon explorer this world has ever seen?

Matterhorn: Yes, actually.

BEC: You are world-renown for your daring escapes and your ability to overcome the most dangerous of odds. Can you tell us about your most death-defying escape?

Matterhorn: It was a clear, dark night and I was flying in my balloon over the vast Amazon jungle. In a matter of moments, the sky opened up and the weather turned violent. I saw lightning strike only a few feet from me. I knew I had no other choice but to land the balloon in the middle of the jungle and wait it out. Well, as luck would have it, I landed my balloon right in the middle of a hyena den. And if you know anything about hyenas, you know that they intentionally starve themselves for days in order to feast during a full moon. And yup, you guessed it, it was a full moon. They formed a circle around me slowly closing in. There had to be at least 30 of them. I reached around to my back to pull out my samurai sword, but then I thought better of it. No matter the circumstances, I had to uphold the Matterhorn family honor to never hurt an animal. Then I had an idea. I reached into my balloon's basket and pulled out one of my prized possessions... a trumpet that was bequeathed to me by Louis Armstrong. I knew I had one shot. I put the trumpet to my lips and started blowing. I don't mean to boast or anything, but the sound that came out of that horn was enchanting. The hyenas immediately just froze where they stood, hypnotized by the music. When I was finally done playing, the hyenas approached me with kindness in their eyes and ushered me into their den. We enjoyed a fantastic meal of venison and they allowed me to sleep through the storm in their den.

BCE: Wow.

Matterhorn: I know. Pretty amazing, stuff huh?

BEC: Sure is. Well thank you Mr. Matterhorn. You are a hero to us all.

Matterhorn: No I am not. The real heroes are the teachers who are inspiring and encouraging the future of the world.


Lorenzo von Matterhorn
Awesomest Flight

Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier
François Laurent d'Arlandes

First Flight
November 21, 1783

Malcolm D. Ross
Highest Flight
May 4, 1961

Per Lindstrand
Richard Branson

First Pacific Crossing
January 15, 1991

Bertrand Piccard
Brian Jones

Longest Flight
March 21, 1999

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn
Longest Penis

Steve Fossett
First Solo Around the World
February 21, 1995